...as a fitting activity for the commemoration of another milestone of wisdom and experience, I have compiled a few of the important lessons I have been taught over the years. These lessons have left an indelible impact on my character and accomplishments. They are a credit to the sagacity of the Mentor and his compassion for humanity in sharing his timeless wisdom. They deserve proper recognition and publication for the promotion of the common welfare, expansion of global enlightenment,  and attainment of world peace.

Sadly, I couldn’t find that list, so I had to create this replacement list at the last minute. The value of these lessons is almost surely inferior and more suspect than the original. Accurate attribution of these so-called “lessons” also cannot be guaranteed in order to forestall libel claims and threats of legal actions. In fact, this pathetic list of “lessons”  is outrageous, offensive, and a total waste of time. They should be ignored at the very least. Wiise readers will heed this warning, stop here and return to their Facebook Farmville farms.

Those who venture on will find that, along with seriously compromised auto-immune systems, they will come away with a BONUS LESSON - LESSON 11:

I just wasted fifteen minutes of my life that I'll never get back!


(more or less intentional, maybe)



Restaurant drink menus are for entertainment purposes only. Only wholesome, refreshing, (and free) water is to be ordered with your meal. (it is an acceptable option to purchase a two-liter bottle at the supermarket since the price is the same).

As a related lesson, ordering food items is also discouraged since there will be plenty of leftovers.


Shirts don’t wear out - they just get less protective and increasingly transparent.

(until they finally just mysteriously disappear).

As a related lesson, couches don’t wear out either - they just get more comfortable

(until they get reupholstered).


No job is complete until it includes at least one FIRST AID incident which, while gory, will be manfully ignored until the job is finished - or signs of gangrene appear

(also sometimes referred to as “signing your work in blood” ).

As a related lesson - Always use the RIGHT TOOL for the job

(note: this lesson can never actually be applied because the RIGHT TOOL will never be available.)


Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy cool heavy equipment at a Ritchie Brothers auction.


It is entirely reasonable for an Agriculture Research Station to require a multi-level structure several stories high.

(and equally possible to require extensive domestic furnishings to accommodate the needs of research facility “staff”).


The secret to raising children is to SPARE every expense.


The KEY to investing is... Buy LOW and Sell HIGH

(related lesson on correctly forecasting HIGHS and LOWS is listed in Lessons 26-50).


Vehicles should ONLY be purchased after the initial break-in period of 100,000 miles.


Never send a boy to do a man’s job - unless it’s disgusting, hazardous, and underpaid.




Passing on hard-earned lessons to your kids is as rewarding as a phone call to a radio talk show host.

(I didn’t actually “learn” this lesson - at least not the easy way).